It’s said that everything we need to know to get along in life we learn in kindergarten.

So for those who missed a few days of school all those many years ago, here are the Renton Reporter’s 2014 “Lessons from the Police Blotter.”

JANUARY

• Don’t make obvious moves to avoid an officer when driving a stolen car.

The driver of a stolen Jeep Grand Cherokee turned north rather than south on Sunset as an officer nearby had expected. He pulled into a gas station but didn’t buy gas as the officer pulled in behind him. He then drove around the police cruiser, which had stopped in front of him – and made his getaway on I-405.

• Don’t throw a bottle of perfume at a car just because you’re mad.

Did the other woman force her into oncoming traffic on Talbot Road? She thought so, so she (or someone in the car) threw the perfume. She was cited for assault and driving with a suspended license.

FEBRUARY

• If you’re a convicted felon, don’t change price tags on spray paint at Walmart.

Store security stopped the Tukwila man after he paid for the expensive paint with the cheaper price tags and walked out. That’s when his real troubles began. On his person were a handgun, knife, small bags of drugs and stolen credit cards. He was arrested but he was refunded his $8.09 after returning the paint.

• When drunk (or anytime), don’t get involved with someone asking you to withdraw money from the bank

There are numerous scams like this, but in this one, the Renton woman agreed to let someone she had just met deposit a check for $1,700 into her account. The victim then withdrew $1,000. Still needing another $700, she took cash advances on her credit card. Turns out the check was for $700 and it wasn’t valid anyway. She’s out $1,700.

MARCH

• A Washington EBT card to buy food won’t pay for beer.

The 49-year-old Renton man wanted pizza, which he bought, and beer, which he concealed in his backpack. He was booked into the SCORE jail. The beer would have cost $7.17.

• Make sure to keep the car you stole from your old ex-boyfriend filled with gas.

The Kent woman was sitting in the Monte Carlo after her new ex-boyfriend walked off to get gas. He ran off when he saw police arresting her for possession of the Monte Carlo, which she stole.

APRIL

• Don’t ride your bike without a helmet when you’re carrying a concealed gun.

A 22-year-old Renton man was stopped at about midnight on Stevens Avenue riding a bike with no helmet. He was standing awkwardly against the bike, his arm covering his hip. Underneath was a semi-automatic pistol with seven rounds in the magazine he was bringing to a friend. He was cited for carrying a concealed weapon without a permit – and verbally warned about the helmet violation.

• Don’t bother to run if Boss is on your tail

A 28-year-old Seattle man led Renton Police officers on a 7-mile car and foot chase through downtown Renton and into Seattle that ended when K9 officer Boss chased down the 28-year-old Seattle man. He was booked into the King County Jail.

MAY

• The iPhone you just stole may land you in jail

Officers tracked the location of a stolen iPhone to the Renton Village Shopping Village. A suspect was rummaging through a garbage can about 10 feet from an officer’s patrol car where he had hidden his stolen items. Officers found heroin and 44 cans of fancy cat food, which he had purchased with the victim’s debit card.

• Believe officers when they yell, “You’re surrounded.”

Officers yelled, “You’re surrounded by the Renton Police Department” at a Federal Way man burglarizing an auto-rebuild shop on Rainier Avenue. He fled through a broken window, ignored officers’ calls to get down and was finally tasered.

JUNE

• Yes, it’s wrong to urinate in someone else’s back yard.

The 50-year-old Seattle man needed somewhere to urinate, so he went through a fence into the backyard of a house on Jones Avenue Northeast. What he was really doing was carrying a load of scrap metal to his truck. He told the officer it wasn’t reasonable to climb through a fence to urinate but he denied taking the metal. He was arrested for trespassing and theft.

JULY

• Really, don’t try this at home.

A 40-year-old Renton man who was just involved in a collision Maple Valley Highway was driving a truck with no windshield, no mirrors, a throttle that didn’t work – and no goggles. His attitude continued to escalate, threatening an officer with a steel pipe, until he was tasered, twice.  He was arrested for assault.

• Consider whether that “selfie” is in your best interest.

The 17-year-old had his big chance to have his picture taken next to a Renton Police cruiser. Did he really want to do that?, the officer asked. Yes. His girlfriend emailed it to the officer. The teen’s face matched that of a suspect’s in an M-80 explosion in a garage. The case was sent to prosecutors.

• Try to keep from fidgeting when you’re hiding something in your pants.

He had just stuffed about $100 worth of children’s clothing in his baggy jeans when he was stopped. He kicked his feet, shook his legs and lifted his feet in and out of his shoes. He was cited and was free to go. The officer spotted a bag of crack cocaine at his feet. He fled, leaving behind Washington ID card.

AUGUST

• Mind your own business at a crime scene.

A 59-year-old Seattle man who inserted himself into an interview a police officer was conducting outside Wal-Mart just couldn’t leave well enough alone. He was asked to step away but called the officer a retard and swore at him. He stood as if to fight and was arrested for assault.

• Tighten your belt (or put one on) before you run off with stolen underwear shoved down your pants.

An officer on foot caught up with a fleeing shoplifter whose loosely fitting pans fell to his mid thighs as he ran. The 23-year-old man shoplifted underwear, jeans and tennis shoes from Fred Meyer. He threw bags at an officer, injuring her. He was arrested for obstructing officers.

• Don’t enter an officer’s ‘private space’

A 45-year-old man had just been expelled from Piazza Park when he yelled at officers he was going to “beat your asses.” Although he had options, he chose to leave the park through an officer’s “private space.” He was arrested for obstructing an officer.

SEPTEMBER

• Don’t argue with someone who has a Samurai sword.

A 28-year-old Renton man was arrested after he thrust a samurai sword through his bedroom door his roommate was standing behind. The two had been arguing; the sword stopped about five inches from the victim’s pelvic area.

• Be prepared to help those who threaten you with a knife.

A Renton man who caught a thief rifling through his vehicle moments later was holding a tank top to his chest to stop the bleeding from a knife wound. The two struggled before officers arrived; the victim’s wife was threatened. Fearing for their lives, the victim stabbed the man, then convinced the man to drop the knife so he could help him.

OCTOBER

• Don’t even think about hiding your high-octane malt liquor in a brown paper bag.

A Renton officer spotted that buses away at the downtown Renton Transit Center and the Tacoma man was told to leave – and expect a citation in the mail.

• A skeleton mask isn’t going to hide incompetence.

A man wearing a skeleton mask jumped over the counter at a fast-food restaurant. He distracted employees by pulling a fire-suppression cable. But he couldn’t get the cash register open. He fled.

• Alcohol won’t stop the bleeding.

After he was assaulted downtown, a 59-year-old Renton man decided to go home and drink alcohol in an attempt to stop the bleeding. When that didn’t work, he decided to drive himself to Valley Medical Center, where security called police after he became combative with hospital staff.

NOVEMBER

• This one is a wash, but generally don’t hit someone with your laundry basket.

A 56-year-old woman took issue with another tenant who moved her clothes from the washer to the dryer – touching her clothes in the process. The officer couldn’t determine whether an assault occurred, so no one was cited.

• Don’t drive and talk on a cellphone, especially if you have warrants.

A 24-year-old SeaTac man pulled out in front of a Renton Police officer but didn’t accelerate once on East Valley Road. The officer could clearly see with his headlights that the driver was talking on his cellphone. The driver was arrested on warrants.

DECEMBER

• Don’t fall asleep in your car with your drug paraphernalia on your lap.

Officers found them asleep in the front seat of the sedan at about on Northeast 16th Street, a glass pipe on her lap and aluminum foil covered with burn marks on his lap. They had already smoked the heroin, so they were allowed to leave. The car was seized as evidence in a burglary.

• Don’t spend two hours in your car watching a movie on your cellphone.

A silver Toyota Camry caught the attention of a resident on South Tobin Street after it hadn’t moved for about two hours. An officer found a man and woman inside, watching a movie on a cellphone. He had a warrant out of Pierce County