His Secret Obsession is a rather polarizing book written by psychologist James Bauer, and before the e-book and audio book were emailed to me for review, I had never heard of either.
I read and then listened to the book before researching it at all in order to avoid having my opinions shaped by what others on the internet were saying. I had read the book over the weekend and then listened to it in my car while I travelled to an industry event. The night I arrived, I sat in my hotel room and began my research and was not at all surprised to find strong yet mixed reactions to the work.
In the review ahead, I will give you the facts. I will also add context in the form of the polarizing opinions online-mostly from women-and add my admittedly very male take to the mix as well.
What Is His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is a nonfictional book by James Bauer that is provided to you in both an e-book and audio book format if you choose to purchase. This is essentially a guide about men for women, and it is written by a man but with the assistance of various female professionals in the same field. The goal of the book is to provide women with the tools to gain a man’s complete attention and keep it.
Who is James Bauer?
James Bauer is a psychologist who specializes in romantic relationships in particular. He began his professional career as a relationship coach for couples. Based on these coaching sessions, he has penned numerous relationship books over the years for both men and women. His Secret Obsession is by far his most high-profile book, and Bauer himself called it the culmination of his career.
What Is the Hero Instinct and How Do You Trigger It?
The Hero Instinct is one of the core concepts in the book. Bauer coined this term to refer to an obsession he asserts that all men hold: the need to feel irreplaceable by their partners. This drive to feel this way is said to be as potent as thirst, hunger and arousal. It is not something that men can easily claim on their own and most are not even aware of it let alone know how to get it. With the tools provided in the book, women can provide their men with that feeling he craves, and doing so can be as simple as a text message a dozen words long, which is something we will discuss more in a bit.
What Will You Find in This Book?
His Secret Obsession is essentially divided in two halves. The first half presents the Hero Instinct as a concept and seeks to give you a full appreciation of it. The second half aims to help women use it to their advantage. The primary example used is the His Secret Obsession 12-word text.
Part I – The Hero Instinct
This section of the book is broken down into modules. Each module builds on those that come before it, and it is rather simple to refer back to an earlier module if there is something eluding you. You can think of the first part as laying the foundation for the second. The first time through, I was not exactly sure where Bauer was going with it, and this is a sentiment I found echoed among other readers.
Part II – The 12-Word Secret Signal
The second section is where the book gets a lot more interesting because Bauer provides you the actionable tools that you can use to activate the Hero Instinct. The 12-word secret signal is not the only example but it is the first signal that Bauer had noticed earlier in his career. Bauer tells a story of a former patient who won her lover back by telling him that she realized that she would not be happy without him in her life. Bauer then goes on to explore why those dozen words were so effective and how you can incorporate that knowledge into all the ways that you communicate with your lover.
Techniques Provided in His Secret Obsession
Here is a look at five of the techniques presented in the book.
– Glimpse Phase
We all have to sell ourselves in a sense to prospective love interests, and lovers often get bored when their partners become complacent. Likely, we all understand this on some level, but this phase discusses being acutely aware of it and how to work that sales pitch into various aspects of your life.
– Fascination Phase
Fascination is used in this sense to describe the feeling that lovers have when they first meet and what they lose when the fire goes out. Bauer explores what men find fascinating and discusses how their partners can use that information to keep them compelled and the fire burning bright.
– IOU Phase
It is often joked that men have selective hearing, but it may be more than a stereotype and a reflection of how they think. Bauer discusses the common “I love you” refrain and then recommends other His Secret Obsession phrases that can be used instead to grab your lover’s attention.
– Private Island Phase
This technique is aimed at woman who want to marry. It discusses what men value in a long-term mate and how you can demonstrate those qualities so that your man will want to marry you.
– Ex Back Phase
This technique is aimed at women who have lost their man and want him back. Earlier we touched on a former patient of Bauer who had won her man back with the first signal that he had ever recognized. This technique delves into that in more detail and discusses how to individualize it.
Features of The Book
His Secret Obsession has a core conceit-the aforementioned Hero Instinct-and it spends a great deal of time explaining and exploring it. It then describes various techniques. The book refers to them as signals. I refer to them as phases because they feel like techniques that you apply at various phases of a relationship. Many of these are used in an ongoing manner as a relationship unfolds, but there are techniques for pre-relationship, post-relationship and even various stages of a relationship.
Where to Purchase His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is only sold through the His Secret Obsession official site. The purchase price is $47, and that is a one-time fee. There is no shipping and handling as nothing is mailed to you. After the purchase is complete, you will be provided links that let you download the His Secret Obsession eBook and audio book. Those links persist, which is convenient if you want to download to multiple devices.
This is an aspect of the His Secret Obsession offer that fascinates me. I have never before reviewed a book that provided a refund policy. This one comes with a 60-day no questions asked 100% money-back guarantee. Regardless of my opinion or anyone else’s, if you are interested in this book at all, go ahead and buy it. You have 60 days to read it and/or listen to it, and if you do not like it for any reason, the $47 is refunded. You do not even need to return your digital copies or audio copies of the book.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is the Book a Scam?
No. It absolutely is not a scam. Bauer is a legitimate psychologist with theories and techniques that he has worked on for years. You may disagree in the end, but that does not make it a scam.
2. Is It Available in Softcover or Hardcover?
Unfortunately, not. The e-book and audio book are the only available editions.
3. Is the Audio Book Good?
The audio book is excellent. I actually prefer it to the text. The audio recording is high quality, and Bauer is much more natural in speech than he is on the page in my opinion.
4. Is the Download Fast and Simple?
Yes. On a bare minimum broadband connection, you can download His Secret Obsession in both e-book and audio format in mere seconds. You can also download both files as often as you like and to multiple devices.
5. Can You Personalize the Techniques?
Yes, and I think that is one of the more interesting aspects of this book. Bauer does not, for instance, just teach prewritten obsession phrases. He starts there but then breaks them down. He then shows you how to shape your own phrases and behaviors.
- Instant download
- Begin reading or listening right away
- Actionable advice from a psychologist
- 60-day 100% money-back guarantee
- No hardcover edition
The His Secret Obsession book is a good read and an even better listen that engaged me despite the fact that I did not go into this His Secret Obsession review seeking that kind of information. I will admit that after digesting it a bit, I had somewhat of a mixed feeling. On one hand, everything in the book rang true to me and it provided women legitimate actionable tools to achieve their results. On the other hand, it sometimes presents women and men as one-dimensional, and the techniques sometimes feel manipulative. This split opinion is reflected in many of the reviews I found online as well.
In the end, I give the book a thumbs up, and I think the opinions online are much more positive than not. Still, there is a very real chance Bauer may alienate you on some levels. I recommend reading the book and deciding for yourself how you want to use that information , and if the book does end up ticking you off, you have 60 days to get all of your money back, so there is no real risk involved.