Opinion

EDITOR'S NOTE: Hey, you guys, I know where I am

There’s been a coup here at the Renton Reporter.

Or is that a coop? Oh, that’s that foul fowl.

Anyway, back to who’s in charge here.

I am. That means we’re having quackers and cheese – none of that duck liver – for our production-day snacks (Thanks, Ellen.)

That other editor only gave me a little piece of the editorial page last week. I am not done talking. So I held his head under water until he cried foul. It worked. What a wuss.

Of course, I had to first persuade him to come visit me at this sweet-smellin’ place downtown where I am perched like a goddess on a cardboard pedestal.

This camera is getting a little heavy, but I guess that’s part of the job of covering Renton. And they’ve got me multi-tasking; I am delivering the paper, too.

Luckily, my co-workers at the Renton Reporter didn’t notice that I hid a laptop under my wing after they equipped me for the IKEA Renton River Days Duck Hunt.

They asked me to leave behind some silly clue about where I am. Huh? I am not lost, although I think my mother is. I haven’t seen her for a few days. I know exactly where I am. Right on South Third.

And all these people keep looking at me and saying, “There’s Uma! Punch her.” I am glad none of them was carrying a gun. What they don’t know is that I am related, about a million times removed, to actress Uma Thurman. It’s a family name.

It’s a little frustrating that I am stuck to this pedestal and can’t move. Couldn’t someone please turn me around so I can actually look at the cupcakes, rather than just smell them?

My favorite part of the day is when everyone leaves.

Then I pull out that laptop. Good fortune, I’ve got wi-fi and a really good battery. I heard I could be here for about a month.

I can use Facebook to keep track of my brothers and sisters. They seem to have scattered to the wind. Mom couldn’t figure out how to turn on a computer, so I know she’s not on Facebook. Don’t even mention Twitter.

Besides, she’s probably off cavorting with a mallard somewhere.

What I can’t figure out is why they’re talking in riddles. It’s like they’re all leaving behind those clues. Xander is off looking for a bridge. Moose figured out you get a whole new word if you run together cue and genie.

Linda is turning into a royal pain. She thinks she’s a pink bunny. But that’s not as disturbing as Indigo. He’s always been a little off; he learned to swim before he learned to walk. Trust me, he was a real challenge for mom.

Now, Indigo, has gone, well, spiky blue. He kinda scares me. Maybe he’s watched too many Harry Potter movies. Or maybe he’s just a daffy duck.

I’ll be glad when this month is up. I keep hearing they’re going to get us all together again, so everyone can stare at us at River Days. That should be uncomfortable. But I know what they can do for me and my brothers and sisters.

Give us a head start in the Rubber Ducky race.

Uma can be reached at, uh, well, if I told you I would have to roast you. But you can follow my adventures, and those of my brothers and sisters, at facebook.com/RentonRiverDays.

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